HOW TO STOP FEELING JEALOUS OF OTHER WOMEN (IN 5 STEPS)
In a perfect world, we would all be motivated by the successful, confident and beautiful women we meet.
We wouldn’t be intimidated by their success, their looks, their partner, or their life in general.
AND, as you already know, this isn’t a perfect world by any means.
Sometimes instead of being motivated we get jealous instead.
And you know what? That’s perfectly normal!
But we don’t always think so because we are trained to think that we should compare ourselves to others. That we should compete. That it’s survival of the fittest.
We’re all constantly looking for ways to one-up the competition.
We are looking for ways to be more successful, more beautiful, and more confident because it’s what we are taught to do.
Since the history of time there have been competitions.
This past summer, I had the opportunity to visit Rome and see the Coliseum, and it was astounding hearing the history of the battles that took place there — all in an effort to be the best.
But the thing is, it’s not about being better than anyone else, it’s about being better for you.
Joseph Campbell said, “We’re so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget that the inner value — the rapture that is associated with being alive — is what it is all about”.
To help you with those feelings of jealousy, I’ve come up with a simple 5-step process you can use to start feeling motivated and focused on your goals rather than your shortcomings.
The 5-step process to getting rid of jealousy
1. Cut yourself some slack.
You will get jealous at times – and it’s OK.
It’s how you choose to respond to that feeling of jealousy that matters. I’ll get into that next, but simply accept the fact that you are human and you will feel emotions – jealously included.
2. Make the conscious decision to not react in a negative way.
The feeling of jealousy is OK. All feelings are totally OK to have.
I believe strongly that we should always feel what we’re feeling because those feelings are messengers.
And I also know that how we choose to react in those moments are key.
You can either choose love or fear.
You can choose to find the flaws in someone you’re jealous of so you can tear them down and feel better about yourself or you can choose to see this as an opportunity to feel into the ways you think are aren’t measuring up and look for specific actions you can take to feel better about those areas of your life.
3. Play the “I Wonder Game”.
Jealousy is simply fear.
So, ask yourself: What am I really afraid of?
Play the “I Wonder Game” and see what comes up for you: When you’re feeling that jealous emotion, where is it that you feel it in your body? Place your attention there and simply ask the question… “I wonder what exactly it is about this other person that I am envious of? What am I afraid of in this moment?”
Perhaps you are jealous of a successful person because you fear that you won’t be as successful and then people – yourself included – will feel you’re a failure.
Or perhaps you see a beautiful woman and you are immediately jealous because you fear that you aren’t beautiful and won’t get as much attention as her.
Perhaps you’re afraid that no one will find YOU beautiful and want to be in a relationship with you or settle down.
You see, we tell all sorts of stories in our head that simply aren’t true. We just have to wonder why we are telling those stories.
So, play the “I Wonder Game” — be open, vulnerable, and honest and really seek to understand the answers that are coming through.
4. Choose to be grateful.
This is a super quick way to shut down jealousy.
Now that you’ve explored where this fear that’s disguised as jealousy is coming from, you can choose to be grateful.
In that moment of suffering where you are feeling less than and like you don’t measure up, if you can have gratitude for all the amazing things you are, have, and do, you won’t feel threatened by someone else.
There will simply be no reason to be.
You will be thankful for all the blessings you have in your life at this moment instead of seeking more.
5. Know that nobody is free of struggle.
Finally, please know that no one – no matter how perfect their life looks on the outside or how pulled together their life looks on social media – is free of struggle.
So, you may be jealous of them or envy them for certain reasons while they would do the same with you!
Perhaps you’re jealous of that woman who is completely pulled together first thing in the morning at the coffee shop while you’re just lucky to be fully dressed after a morning of wrangling the kids, getting them breakfast, signing that last-minute permission slip, and finally sending them off to school.
But maybe what you DON’T know is that perfectly pulled together woman struggled for years to have children only to find out that she couldn’t and as much as she seems to have it all together, she would trade places with you in an instant.
We can never fully know each other’s stories and we don’t have to. We only have to accept responsibility for who we are and the choices we make each day.
Want More Where This Came From?
This post was written in response to an audience Q&A for the What You’re REALLY Hungry For episode, Acceptance: How To Believe You’re Good Enough When You Feel Like You’re Not with Nina Savelle-Rocklin. If you want to listen to the entire Q&A with even more content you’ll love, click here or the button below!